GosuNoob Video Game Reviews
Call of Duty: Vanguard Review – Inglourious Bores
This is the filler edition of Call of Duty. Between last year’s Black Ops Cold War and next year’s Modern Warfare, Vanguard sits like that middle layer of bread in Big Mac sandwich. Its sole purpose is to act as an intermediary between two pieces of meat. It doesn’t add any flavor; it just exists…
GosuNoob REVIEWS ARCHIVE
Inscryption Review – Super High Stakes
It took me by the collar and shook the shit out of me, leaving me awestruck and with messed-up hair. Inscryption is a fantastic, one-of-a-kind…
Age of Empires 4 Review – New but mostly Old
Considering how much everything has changed in the last quarter of a century, Age of Empires 4 is almost Old-Testamentesque in its conservativism. It’s a…
Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy Review – Noble Morons
A big elephant stands between me, seated on a couch with the DualSense in my hands and a TV on the other side of the…
The Riftbreaker Review – Not in Kansas anymore
Colonel Miles Quaritch from James Cameron’s Avatar had this to say to every new batch of base security personnel: „You’re not in Kansas anymore. You’re…
Lemnis Gate Review – Time Rewinding Shenanigans
The newest trend in gaming is screwing with time. Lemnis Gate (a semi-clumsy pun on lemniscate, the famous infinity symbol) is an online arena shooter…
Alan Wake Remastered Review – Darkwood Dub
Eleven years after its release on Xbox 360, Alan Wake is considered a modern classic. It was a big-budget game, created as relaxed labor of…
Far Cry 6 Review – Nueva Canción
Blockbuster franchises are notoriously resistant to change. And yet, they must evolve or project the impression of evolving, lest people get bored. There is also…
Gas Station Simulator Review – Outselling Deathloop
I was in the mood for the lightweight, stupid simulated labor, and Gas Station Simulator delivered it in spades. Or gallons. Why did I single…
Sable Review – Boredom and Plagiarism
After a long and arduous search, I had managed to find a high-profile game more dull and pointless than Death Stranding. There needs to be…
Deathloop Review – No One Lives Forever
Even the authors renowned for genre-bending and experimentation can be super cautious when explaining the nature of their games. Ken Levine famously insisted that the…
Life is Strange: True Colors Review – Teenage Melodrama
It seems that the Life is Strange series is destined to forever waddle in its puddle of mediocrity. What started as an interesting take on…
King’s Bounty 2 Review – Unwieldy & Nerdy
The evolution of ACDsee, a popular image viewer from the nineties, should serve as a clear warning for the dangers of excessive inflating. Early versions…
Humankind Review – Numbers Game, Flawed
If you come for the king, you best not miss, said the charismatic, shotgun-wielding, drug-dealer-robbin’ Omar Little from The Wire, paraphrasing American essayist Ralph Waldo…
Psychonauts 2 Review – Livin’ La Vida Loca
It has been an excellent year for cute blockbusters. It Takes Two, a supremely brilliant co-op adventure that is still our most serious GOTY candidate,…
Aliens: Fireteam Elite Review – A Stand-Up Fight or Another Bug Hunt?
The sheer power and artistic quality of Alien (1979) and Aliens (1986) are carrying the rest of the mediocre Xenomorph movie franchise on their mighty…
Back 4 Blood Preview – Invoking the Old Glory
Marvel’s lawyers tried to copyright the term “zombie” back in the late seventies, but their dick move was not successful (you can read about it…
Jupiter Hell Review – Think and Tear
The latest Doom games went overboard with comically complicated lore that put the unnecessary spin on a legacy concept, perfect in its simplicity. Lone soldier…
Warhammer 40K: Battlesector Review – There Will be Blood
I don’t know the details of Warhammer 40K licensing agreements, but Games Workshop presumably offers a very sweet deal to every prospective developer keen to…
The Ascent Review – Blade Bummer
Neon, rain, noodle stands, and advertising holograms shining through the permanent night. Environmental aesthetics of The Ascent ticks all the cyberpunk boxes, invoking the crushing…